A Las Vegas Bachelor Party: Who Should You Invite?
Living in Las Vegas has its ups and downs, which is true for any city,
except here the highs are super high and the lows are devastatingly low.
There's no better example of this prodigious swing than The Bachelor
Party. Since I moved to Las Vegas I've been a part of roughly 3,000
bachelor parties (and quite a few bachelorette parties as well, but
that's a story for another time). In my experience, there are several
fastened rules you must abide by to have a successful bachelor party.
Let me share my unheralded wisdom with you.
Assembling Your Crew
You want a wide array of characters in your crew to idealize the good
times and minimize the buzz kills. First, here's whom you want to
invite...
The "I'll Talk to Anyone" Guy
This guy is essential. He'll talk to anyone because he's fearless. This
can get you into trouble, but most of the time it's the kind of trouble
you were looking for. Needless to say he helps with finding groups of
women to hang out with, which is paramount for any party, especially a
bachelor party. Also, not just the ladies, but striking up conversation
with the right gentleman in this town could lead your party into an
unexpected adventure. The "I'll Talk to Anyone Guy" keeps possibilities
endless for your crew.
The "I'm Absolutely Getting Lost" Guy
I know this guy seems like a hassle and someone you have to worry about
when you shouldn't be worrying about anything, but this guy serves a
very important purpose. During the hung over mornings in the hotel room
he will stumble in, most likely missing a shoe, with a tale of
wonderment and tragedy that will make you laugh so hard that your
hangover disappears and will lead to the morning's first drink. He's the
catalyst for the day two party. And if your "Absolutely Getting Lost"
guy is particularly adept at his job, he'll get lost again and you won't
see him until you board the plane. Hopefully.
The "I'm Here to Gamble" Guy
This guy can go one of two ways, but either way it's entertaining to
watch. If he wins big, he'll be upgrading the party at every turn. If he
loses big, well, watching a desperate man mortgage his children's
college fund is something you have to see to appreciate. At some point
your whole crew needs to join this man, early on before he becomes
desperate, and take over a black jack table or a craps table. Gambling
with a large group of your friends is the only non-sad way to gamble.
And with both of those games you pretty much win and lose as a team.
It's an essential part of the weekend.
The "Let's Go to The Strip Club" Guy
This guy will know when he's needed. He'll know when the time is right. He'll know. He'll know.
And now the guys you want to avoid bringing to Vegas...
The "Let's Get in a Fight" Guy
This guy is the worst and unfortunately he's everywhere. If at all
possible, don't bring this guy to Vegas. He will put you in situations
you don't want to be in and ruin what would otherwise be a great time.
No one wants to have to tell this guy throughout the weekend, "No, that
guy in The Ed Hardy shirt wasn't looking at you funny" or "I know that
guy stepped on your Puma, just let it go." The last place you want to
end up is a Clark County jail cell downtown. It's not a pleasant place
to be and it will take 24 hrs to get out. Try to avoid it at all costs.
The "Brother of the Bride" Guy
I understand that sometimes, this is unavoidable. More times than not,
you have to scale back your party because of this guy. And the groom
will never be totally comfortable with the debauchery with this guy
around. Try to avoid it. Plan the weekend around a time you know he's
unavailable. If the bride has shoved him down your throat, well, do what
you can to keep him busy, drunk, and not on spy mode. If the bride's
father has tagged along as well, then you're screwed. No fun for you.
The "I'm Broke" Guy
I know times are tough, but if you come to Vegas for a bachelor party
you don't want to be held back by someone's empty pockets. You don't
need to be the "Money Is No Object" guy, but a bachelor party in Las
Vegas is going to cost a few shekels, so plan accordingly. If you overdo
it early like "The I'm Here to Gamble Guy" that's one thing, but to
come to Vegas without cash to blow is a bad move. Whatever you think the
weekend may cost, bring double that. And if you're on a budget, don't
gamble so much and spend your money on drinks for the groom. It's only
right.
The "I Didn't Bring Dress Shoes or a Nice Shirt" Guy
Listen, I don't like it any more than you do, but this town has a dress
code. If it was socially acceptable I'd drape myself in velvet
Costanza-style. You need to look the part in Vegas if you want to go
where the ladies are. So leave the sweatpants at home, bring your
Sunday's best and pretend, if only for one night, that you're a classy
guy.
The "I Have an Itinerary/ Let's See a Show" Guy
las vegas nightclub - Sure, there's lots to do in Vegas and from what I
hear the Cirque shows are amazing, Carrot Top isn't as horrible as he
sounds, and the Osmonds...do...stuff. But now, during a bachelor party,
is not the time for such things. This is a weekend of semi-controlled
debauchery. We have no time to check out the Bellagio fountains or take a
picture in front of the "Welcome to Vegas" sign. There's so much
trouble to get into and so little time.